I’m going to try to stay a little calm and detached during this entry, largely because this is affecting me directly at the moment. And we all know that you can, in the heat of the moment, launch the exocet rather than just the depleted uranium shell that would be the more appropriate weapon. (How can depleted uranium ever be appropriate? )


I’m selling a house. It is a normal house in a normal street. It is, in fact, this one. It didn’t require a HIP when it was first listed by the estate agent, but it does now. So I stump up my fee and expect this glossy pack to be generated telling me all about this wondrous product I am selling that should have had the buyers flocking to my door. I can visualise the handshake and the final handover of the keys, teeth glinting in the setting sun of the day. You get the idea? £399 to ensure a quicker and speedier sale if someone decides to buy it and less legwork (because half of the work has been done) for the solicitors should mean a trouble free transaction, right?

Well, no. What happens in reality is that all the problems like drainage and shared access and all of the really important stuff – where are the deeds, for example – are handled by inept unqualified halfwits who, when they do eventually produce the HIP, produce something dryer than the proverbial Vicar’s wife and more content-free than your local council’s free-sheet. And then, when the solicitors (I use the term advisedly, and interchangeably with ‘conveyancing technician’) get hold of the case, they will check and recheck everything that was alleged in the HIP, because they aren’t stupid and know that there will be errors because they weren’t produced by ‘a professional’.

So – I am left £399 poorer fiscally, no better off in terms of time saved (I am actually worse off because a slice of my life has been given over to answering inane questions like “will anyone live in the property after it has been sold”…. at that point I will have readied my inner Meldrew) and overall my selling process has not been enhanced. The house sold (STC) without anyone actually looking at the HIP. And I’m £399 poorer, did I mention that? And it is a mandatory part of the selling process.

Well, that is the crux of the matter. £399 paid over to the treasury as a tax on the transaction (yes, I know that is what stamp duty is, but stay with me) would give me something tangible to wag my finger at from the dizzy heights of this rickety soapbox. Or to believe that I have helped the NHS or whatever. But no, it seems like a pointless extra charge with no actual benefit to the process. If I think long and hard about it – and follow the money – the only people who seem to benefit are the conveyancers who offer the HIP, so you could argue that the legal profession have managed to monetise and obfuscate the process all in one easy ‘extra’ step. Which, if you think about it, is a masterstroke – Tony Blair (for it was he) should be proud of his incessant championing of the HIP, and for sticking with it through to implementation. All that effort for no apparent benefit to anyone except the legal profession. I mean, that is a selfless act in itself – no taxation involved, just good old fashioned cause championing.

I can’t think of a single reason why he would want to improve the cashflow of the legal profession.